“What are you doing?” from the film “Midnight Run.” Jonathan and Jack are eating at a diner. Jack wants Jonathan to shut up and Jonathan wants Jack to like him and let him go. Ideal for Adult Males in their 30s-40s. 1-2 Mins.
Written By: George Gallo
JONATHAN and JACK:
JONATHON
What are you doing?
JACK
What am I doing? Arithmetic.
JONATHON
Arithmetic. Maybe I can help you. I am an
accountant.
JACK
Well, you know I was thinking that after I
turn your ass in and collect my money, I’m
going to open up a nice little coffee shop.
JONATHON
How much exactly are you getting for me,
if I can ask?
JACK
Well, I don’t think that’s any of your concern,
but I’ll tell you just to tell you. A hundred
thousand.
JONATHON
A hundred thousand. Will you take a hundred
thousand to let me go?
JACK
Not by a long shot.
JONATHON
Two hundred thousand?
JACK
I never took a payoff in my life, and I’m not
going to start with someone like you.
JONATHON
Why not?
JACK
Because you’re a fucking criminal and you
deserve to go where you’re going, and I’m
going to take you there. And if I hear any
more shit from you I’m gonna fucking bust
your head and I’m gonna put you back in
that fucking hole, and I’m gonna put your
head in the fucking toilet bowl and I’m
gonna make it stay there.
JONATHON
I have to tell you a restaurant is a very tricky
investment. More than half of them go under
within the first six months. If I were your
accountant I’d have to strongly advise you
against it.
JACK
You would huh? Well you’re not my accountant.
JONATHON
If I were your accountant I’d have to…..
JACK
I told you, I took you out here….
JONATHON
I’m just saying that it’s a very tricky business
and if I were your accountant I would really
have to strongly advise you against it, as an
accountant.
JACK
You’re not my accountant.
JONATHON
I realize I’m not your accountant. I’m saying
if I were your accountant.
Jack eats some type of fatty food.
JONATHON
Are you familiar with the phrase arterial sclerosis?
Cholesterol? If you want I’ll outline a complete
balanced diet for you.
JACK
Mail it to me from C block.
JONATHON
Why would you eat that?
JACK
Why?
JONATHON
Yeah.
JACK
Cause it tastes good.
JONATHON
But it’s not good for you.
JACK
I’m aware of that.
JONATHON
Well, why would you do something that you
know is not good for you?
JACK
Because I don’t think about it.
JONATHON
Well that’s living in denial.
JACK
Living in denial?
JONATHON
Yeah.
JACK
I’m aware of that.
JONATHON
So you’re aware of all your behavior yet
you continue to do things that aren’t good
for you. Isn’t that sort of foolish, don’t you
think so Jack?
JACK
No. Stealing fifteen million dollars from Jimmy
Serrano seems foolish.
JONATHON
I didn’t think I’d get caught.
JACK
Now that’s living in denial.
JONATHON
I’m aware of that.
JACK
Oh, so you’re aware of your behavior and yet
you continue to do things that aren’t good for you.
Sounds kind of foolish to me. Don’t you think,
Jon?
JONATHON
It was foolish. But taking fifteen million of mob
money and giving it to charity was good for a lot
of people.
JACK
Oh so you pissed of a Mafioso killer just to be
loved by a bunch of fucking strangers. Makes a
lot of sense.
JONATHON
Don’t you want to be loved?
JACK
Lots of people love me.
JONATHON
Really. Who?
JACK
I’ve got an ex-wife and I’ve got a daughter in
Chicago.
JONATHON
How do they put up with all your sarcasm?
JACK
Beautifully. I haven’t seen either of them in
nine years.
JONATHON
Maybe we should go see them.
JACK
No I don’t think maybe we should go see them.
Thanks for the interest though.
JONATHON
The job must have been tough on them.
JACK
No, I didn’t do this then.
JONATHON
What’d you do?
JACK
I was a cop.
JONATHON
You were a cop in Chicago? Then you must
know all about Jimmy Serrano.
JACK
Do you have the right to ask me certain questions?
JONATHON
Yeah, I think I do.
JACK
No you don’t.
JONATHON
I think I do.
JACK
No you don’t.
JONATHON
Why not?
JACK
Dinner’s over let’s go.
They get up to leave.
JACK (CONT.)
I can see this is going to be some fucking
trip, boy.
JONATHON
I wouldn’t worry about it Jack. I’m not
going to be with you that much longer.
JACK
What do you mean?
JONATHON
From what I know about Serrano, if I go to
jail I’ll be dead within twenty four hours, so
sooner or later I’m going to have to give you
the slip.
Jack laughs as he lays down the tip on the bill.
JONATHON
Glad you find it humorous. Two dollars, that’s
all you’re going to leave?
JACK
That’s fifteen percent.
JONATHON
That’s thirteen percent. These people
depend on tips for a living.
Jack looks over the bill again.
