“No occupation” from the film “Adam’s Rib.” Amanda interrogates Doris about the shooting of her husband. Ideal for Adult Females in their 30s. 1-2 Mins.
Written By: Ruth Gordon
AMANDA and DORIS:
Amanda – Occupation?
Doris – No occupation.
A – Housewife.
D – That’s right. Housewife.
A – All right.
D – And mother.
A – Yes.
(Amanda offers cigarette.)
D – No, thank you. I don’t believe a woman should smoke. You’ll excuse me saying it.
A – Yes, I’ll excuse you… Now.
D – It’s not feminine.
A – How long have you been married, Mrs. Attinger?
D – Nine years and four months.
A – I see.
D – And 12 days.
Assistant – Finished.
D – Yes, thank you.
Assistant – Thank you.
D – Thank you.
A – And you have 3 children?
D – Warren Jr., he’s 8, Allan, he’s 7 and Trudy, she’s 6. That’s all.
A – When did you begin to suspect you were losing your husband’s affection?
D – When he stopped battin’ me around.
A – When was that?
D – 11 months ago. March 14th.
A – He struck you?
D – First time, he broke a tooth. My tooth.
A – I see.
D – Upper left molar.
A – And how often –
D – It’s capped now. You can’t notice it.
A – Good. Now, let’s start with the day of the accident—
D – Oh, no accident. I wanted to shoot him.
A – Suppose we decide later just what you wanted to do.
D – Silly.
A – The difference between 10 years in prison and freedom is not silly, Mrs. Attinger.
D – Call me Doris.
A – Pay attention to what I’m saying.
D – I don’t care what happens to me.
A – Do you care what happens to Warren and Allan and Trudy?
D – Yes, I do. I wanna go home. Can’t you fix it so I should go home?
A – Not right now, but we’re working on it. Here.
(Amanda pours her a glass of water.)
D – I promised my kids I’d take them to Coney Island tomorrow.
A – Yes, you drink that. Now you would help us very much if you could reconstruct the day. All of yesterday.
D – Well, first thing in the morning…
A – Yes?
D – I woke up.
A – Yes?
D – And I see he didn’t sleep at home.
A – And you were shocked and surprised?
D – Oh no. Not shocked, not surprised. He used to not do that a lot – Come home.
A – Did you ever question him about his behavior?
D – Certainly.
A – Did he offer any explanation?
D – Certainly. He told me to shut up and mind my own business.
A – I see.
D – But yesterday. I got worried. Not worried, mad. I got mad. You know why?
A – Why?
D – Cause it was the 4thnight in a row he didn’t.
A – Come home?
D – Yeah.
A – And that made you angry?
D – Sure. It was getting’ a habit with him. So I sent the kids to school and I went and bought a gun.
A – Where?
D – This hock shop I go to. I bought a gun and they gave me a book how to – free.
A – Had you decided by this time exactly what you planned to do?
D – I’ll tell you the honest truth. I didn’t decide nothin’. I was doin’ everything like in a dream – like I was watchin’ myself, but I couldn’t help it. Like a dream.
A – Yeah. Wait a second. (To Asst.) You got all that?
Assistant – “Like I was watching myself but I couldn’t help it. Like a dream.”
A – Yeah, that’s good. Now, go on, Doris.
D – So then I got very hungry.
A – When?
D – When I bought the gun.
A – Yeah?
D – So I went in this hamburger place and I ate 2 – rare – and one lemon meringue pie.
A – And then?
D – Then I was still hungry.
Assistant – Think of that.
D – So I walked around and I kept talkin’ to myself not to be foolish.
A – And then?
D – And then I called up Warren. He was just getting’ his lunch hour by now. I said I want to see him important, so if we could have lunch together. So he said no, naturally. So I asked him, “You comin’ home after?” So he says, “What for?” So I said to him, “Don’t you live there no more?” So he says, “Don’t bother me at the office. You want me to lose my job?” Loud. So then he hung up.
A – And what did you do.
D – I had a cup of coffee.
A – Where?
D – The same place as him, only he didn’t see me. It was crowded. The Buffet Exchange. So then I bought some chocolate nut bars and I went outside of his office and I waited the whole afternoon. And I kept eatin’ the candy bars and waitin’ until he came out. And then I followed him. And then I shot him.
A – And after you shot him, how did you feel then?
D – Hungry.
